The Fool's Gold #5

Issue
Five

May
2003

Birds of a feather flock together.

the officious newsletter of author Cliff Johnson

Opposites attract.

     >Take One<
     Harry Shearer notes “If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?”
     >Take Two<
     The First Law of Cartoon Physics states that any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck unknowingly steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
     >Take Three<
     George Bernard Shaw reflects “The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.”
     >Take Four<
     The Second Law of Cartoon Physics states that any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge’s surcease.
     >Take Five<
     Albert Einstein advises “We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.”
     >Take Six<
     If receiving this newsletter feels like the last straw of an egregious day where your boss fired you, your spouse left you, and your bank foreclosed your mortgage — and you find yourself loading up your Winchester Super X2 with 00 Buck, click here to cancel.
     However, if a secret admirer has forwarded this newsletter to you and you wish to subscribe, click here.
     >Take Seven<
     The Third Law of Cartoon Physics states that any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
     (Thanks to O’Donnell’s Laws of Cartoon Motion, Esquire Magazine, June, 1980.)
     >Cut<
     >Print<

For the followers of this newsletter, all seven of you, I trust you’ve been sensing a certain symbiosis across the Land that the Fool wanders. The Kingdom of the Swords supply lumber and forge metal. The Kingdom of the Wands provide livestock and agriculture. The Kingdom of the Cups supply medicine and archived knowledge.

estled in the oak, hickory, and chestnut forests to the East are the homes of the affluent and opulent, the Kingdom of the Pentacles. Look closely at the cobblestone roads and realize that the stones have been cut from marble and smoothed in natural waterfalls. Gaze at the cottages with precisely-cut bricks of bluestone and brownstone, and, stain-glass windows of crystal. Admire the limestone ramparts of the Royal Palace, the gold and silver inlays decorating the surface in patterns of vines and ivy, glistening in the rising sun like rivulets of flame.
Day or night, the people walk freely down the shady lanes and wildflower paths in complete safety, for the palace guards outnumber the citizens, three to one. In fact, being a palace guard is an honored occupation of any up and coming Pentacle.

      The reason for such excessive security is that the Kingdom enjoys the privilege of being Treasury to the Land where all financial wealth is recorded and adjusted on a daily basis by the Money Changers. Between the four Kingdoms, dozens of unique currencies exist, and new ones are created whenever a certain transaction demands it. Nobody but the Chief Money Changer is said to understand exactly how this system works — and she guards her secrets well.
     Ordinary folk busy themselves creating antiques and collectibles which they then negotiate with the Money Changers as to the official recorded age and worth of their creations. In many ways, the Pentacles are a silly and ridiculous people, grown eccentric from luxury; they contribute little to the commerce of the Land, yet are invaluable to the conducting of that commerce.
     In his newly tailored silk raiment, the Fool gallops on his steed into the town square and claims the plot of land he recently acquired at an auction in the Kingdom of the Cups. He is immediately arrested and questioned. The Fool is presumed to be a Cup himself and this is not a matter to be treated lightly. (The Pentacles hold a grudge against the Cups who stole their One Treasure and refuse to return it. Furthermore, the Moon warned “Pentacles, beware the chalice.”)
     It is the Fool’s knowledge of the Land and its commerce that rescues him from imprisonment. He earns his place as a well respected member of the community becoming an agent for land purchases between the Kingdoms. The Fool is heralded as a Land Baron, but he is far too modest to claim the title. This does not stop him from claiming the profits, however.

     Three people check into a hotel. They pay $30 to the manager and go to their room. The room rate is $25 and the manager gives $5 for the bellboy to return. The bellboy decides to pocket $2 and gives back $1 to each person. Now each person paid $10 and got back $1.
     So they paid $9 each, totaling $27. The bellboy kept $2 and that totals $29. Where is the remaining dollar?
     The “ah-ha!” is in the misdirection in the statement. Sure, 3 X 9 = $27 and add $2, that makes only $29. Sounds convincing. But it’s misstating the facts. $25 (room rate) + 2$ (bellboy) + $3 (per person) = $30.
     This “ah-ha!” helps you not at all in the next logic puzzle, typically known as a logic table puzzle. If you’re familiar with solving these kind of puzzles, you’ll note that I’ve provided a different type of answer table to assist in the deduction process. Tell me what you think of it.
     Who shoed the horseshoes for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? What is his name? In what millennium did he live? And what was his sin? Use the 13 clues to deduce which sinner with what occupation committed what sin in what millennium. To assist in the deduction process, use the table below to cross out each item as it is eliminated. The final answer will contain only one word per box.
     Oh yes, don’t print out the entire newsletter. Simply click print the puzzle only and use the print feature in your browser to print the puzzle only.

1) Peter was born after the demise of the Sinner of Gluttony.
2) Luke was born after the death of the Sinner of Lust, but before the birth of the Sinner of Anger.
3) The Blacksmith was born after the Butcher and before the Sinner of Avarice.
4) The Sinner of Avarice was born in the 5th Millennium.
5) David was born after Paul’s suicide and the Sinner of Anger died before Paul.
6) Luke was dead before both the Sinner of Envy and the Baker.
7) The Sinner of Gluttony was born on a date succeeding the 1st Millennium.
8) Paul plied his trade after the Baker was killed by the villagers.
9) Isaac committed the Sin of Sloth.
10) The Carpenter was strangled before Matthew was born.
11) The Tailor sewed centuries before the Shopkeeper bartered and centuries after the Farmer plowed.
12) The Tailor did not succumb to the Sin of Pride.
13) Joseph was born last.

1st	2nd	3rd	4th	5th	6th	7th
Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph	Matthew Paul Luke Peter David Isaac Joseph
Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper	Tailor Butcher Baker Farmer Blacksmith Carpenter Shopkeeper
Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride	Gluttony Lust Avarice Anger Envy Sloth Pride

     Between you and I, the correct phrase is between you and me.
     To compare and contrast is redundant. To compare is sufficient.
     The sound of a babbling brook is continuous whereas the chimes of Big Ben are continual.
     Twelve o’clock, noon. Is it 12 PM or 12 AM? The Latin terms Ante Meridian (before noon) and Post Meridian (after noon) are neither needed. Twelve o’clock, midnight, is equally perplexing.
     A biweekly meeting meets every two weeks and a semiweekly meeting meets twice a week, but the terms ‘every other week’ or ‘twice weekly’ reap more consistent attendance.
     And though the meeting was altogether unnecessary, the board met all together nonetheless.
     Til the middle of June.
     Congressional Junket.

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